The Strike of the Match
I've never really liked the Western concept of the four classical elements (air, earth, fire and water). Mainly because it was popularized by fooking Aristotle, but also because I really cannot see the world as made up of those. In the 21st, it's just too easy to find exceptions, even without knowing the periodic table of the (real) elements. Where the old theory shines, though, it's in the modern use of the Tarot, and specifically in the way it describes the four main components of our being.
Air represents communication and our mind. As a logical-to-a-fault scientist with a penchant for writing and public speaking, there is no doubt that I sit snugly in Air. I've also been struggling with depression since very early on, so here we have the negative aspect of Air too.
Earth is our body and energy, and the second-most element I recognize myself in. Even before knowing the Tarot, I used to joke that I was like a tectonic plate: slow and steady, but if I accumulate too much friction, a devastating earthquake will ensue. There will be casualties, and I might very well be one of them.
Water represents our feelings and emotions, and the way they affect the relationship with ourselves and others. It's never been my strong suit, but that's what therapy is for.
And then there's Fire, the element that has always felt the most alien to me. As I said, I am calm, steady, sometimes even conflict-averse. Never shaken by sweeping emotions, positive or negative as they may be. And yet, I have recently felt the call to tend and grow the flame within. Fire is our passion, our life force, the will to live that makes us dance and scream and keep fighting for another day.
It's been a rough couple of years. I've been fighting battle after battle, physical, mental, against the world and my own body, and it drained everything I have. I had to spend whatever little energy I had just to survive, and there was no space for anything else. People used to tell me that it was as if a light bulb had turned on inside me whenever I explained them something I was passionate about. I don't know what became of that light, but it has certainly felt almost impossible to feel passionate about anything anymore. But being a witch means taking charge of one's life and at least trying to change what isn't working, so that's what I did.
I wrote my spell on a piece of paper and let fire carry it up into the sky. And then every day I'll reflect on what it means to carry the fire within, to nourish and direct it in a way that helps my own growth. I want to find my will to live again, my lifeforce, the switch to turn my passion back on. I want to feel the fire in my heart, my soul, my loins. Feel the burn and channel it toward something good.
After all, what is to give light must endure burning¹.
¹: Victor Frankl.